My financial struggle goes back a long way and has caused a lot of shame and embarrassment. I’ve never shared much about it for those reasons. I am hoping by being open about it; I will help someone who has struggled the same way I have! I’ve struggled with money for as long as I’ve been in control of my finances. In another post, I’ll talk a little more about how I may have some undiagnosed ADHD. Of course, if my dad were still here, he’d say, ‘ok, so what are you doing about it? Update, I have officially been diagnosed with ADHD and things are making so much more sense.
My brain struggles to have a concrete idea of how much money I can spend. Or how long something would take to pay off if I chose to put it on a credit card. That would mean I should never be allowed close to a credit card. Unfortunately, I also battle with the mentality of saying no or feeling like I’m being deprived of something. I truly endeavor to understand where this comes from.
Childhood
I was given a fantastic childhood where my parents cared for our every need. We never had to worry about anything. My parents were very poor when I was born, but I have no memory of that time. When I think of my childhood, I only think of love, happiness, and never going without. Some people may say we were spoiled, but I never thought of us as brats. Who knows, I could be wrong about that! I can remember that we didn’t demand ridiculous things from my parents. I saw it as my parents making sure we were loved and cared for!
We were extremely fortunate to grow up the way we did. My dad worked incredibly hard to build the business he built. My mom was a hard worker who returned to finish her degree with 3 small children. Hard work was instilled in us, including the value of building a business. He even had me run the candy machine at his work when I was younger. I bought the inventory, stocked it, and kept track of expenses and profits in a notebook.
Saying No – My Struggle with Finances
I believe that some of my struggles with money came from being afraid of being left out or missing out on something. Also, worrying about what people think of me since I’m a recovering people pleaser terrible at saying no. I’ve spent a lot of my life believing I’m entitled in some way to do whatever I want to do. Often I also mentally shut down when interacting with a pushy salesperson and usually end up agreeing to something I don’t want or need out of fear of saying no, hanging up, or walking away! Sometimes I show interest in something but, after learning the price, realize it’s not in my budget but cannot switch gears and say no. This also caused me to purchase many things from friends who joined various MLMs when I could not afford them.
It’s taken a while, but I’ve come a long way. The realization that most people aren’t personally offended if you say no is essential. These people are just doing their job. It’s also ok not to be involved in everything your friends do. Everyone’s journey and place in life are different. Some people will be able to do things I am not because of their life path. Just because I choose to say no to an opportunity does not mean that it will never come around again.
Spending Money To Boost Self Esteem
There has also been a lot of money on things that claim to help me lose weight, improve my hair, and improve my skin, and the list goes on. So my journey also has to do a lot with self-worth and realizing it’s not what’s on the outside that counts. This is much easier said than done, especially when going back to trying to date and feeling like we live in a superficial world where looks are the only thing that matters. Ultimately I have a long way to go on my journey yet, but I’m learning that spending money you don’t have does not bring the contentment and joy I am searching for, no matter what I might purchase with that money!
If this sounds like something you struggle with, I’d love for you to connect with me over in my Facebook group! One of the main issues I had was feeling alone for so many years and being embarrassed, believing no one else struggled the same way I did. If you are looking for other accounts to follow, one of my most helpful favorites is Jordan Page over at Fun Cheap or Free. She has the Budget Bootcamp and Productivity Bootcamp, paid courses you can take. The best part is that she offers TONS of free resources through her blog, youtube channel, and social media with tips and tricks you can start implementing immediately.
Please connect with me on social media and share your struggles with money. I’d love to support you on your journey!